Because WWE doesn’t own everything yet, it’s Too Long, Didn’t Watch: AEW Revolution!

• The event seems to be taking place inside a computer screen on CSI

• AEW is steadily becoming ROH from 15 years ago

• Good guy ends up being good guy, which is somehow surprising
• The All American American submits sober Black Reign
• Misfits cosplayer defeats small boy

• Four friends have a skirmish, the two guys who don’t overuse superkicks win. As they should.
• Tag Team Champions already teasing split. It’s been 4 months.
• Some asshole’s favorite wrestler defeated fellow woman to retain Women’s Title

• Cody faces the kid you always wanted to punch in high school
• Cody has a new job-stopper neck tattoo
• MJF has a foot fetish
• Cody is the Brooklyn Brawler with better hair

• The angriest Welshman since Christian Bale defeated a sloth in denim

• Chris Jericho Version 25 defends the World Title against Long Jon Moxley

• The biggest star in AEW finally has the World Title. Jericho now free to tour with his rock band or any of the other hundred things he does.